More About me.

Hey guys today I thought I would write a bit more about me. I know this blog was mostly made for content of cosmetics and reviews but I feel the need to want to share with you all how I am and why I have not posted in a few days.

Well let's start by saying i'm 32 years old i'm a single child. I was born in Alexandria in Dunbartonshire. To my parents Stephen Barbour and Joan Barbour.

I lived in Alexandria for 11 years then we moved to Isle of Skye when I was a few days away from turning 12.

We had always been to Skye on holidays and mum loved the place, she cried every time she left on the ferry to go home.

I still currently live on Skye but now with my father as my mother sadly passed away due to long term illness and its coming up for 13 years this October.

Without a doubt this was one of the hardest moments of my life losing my mother at the age of 19.

But in one respect as much as I miss her dearly she is no longer in pain which is also as you can imagine or possibly have experienced is a very difficult situation to be in and around.

So thats a bit of background information on where i'm from and my family.

The reason i've not been on here doing posts for the last few days is I have been doing a usual Julie and suffering in silence and painting on the smile and trying to make a laugh an joke, when inside I am crumbling.

I was diagnosed with  severe anxiety in 2013 which was one of the most awful years apart from losing my mum I have ever experienced I honestly though I was dying and losing my mind.

Until diagnosed I wasn't fully sure what was wrong with me. It started off with feelings off like heart attack symptoms which for anyone is a worry and also cos of being slightly overweight I Was thinking all kinds. Not wanting to burden anyone I would just cry on my own in my room thinking all kinds when really I needed to reach out to someone and off load how I was feeling. 

Eventually I did this and spoke with doctor and also attended CBT therapy which eventually helped me.

Also with being put onto medication which I always though was last thing I ever wanted to do but sometimes you need that help and should never feel bad about taking it.

I eventually started to feel better in myself and not so scared and down all the time. I was determined to not become a recluse and not want to venture out of my safe zone, but then again even in my own house the feelings off being scared where there and I still have no idea why.

as they say the mind is a weird and wonderful organ. 

To give an example of somethings-:

One minute I would be hanging washing out and next minute I was crying uncontrollably for utterly no explainable reason.

When signed off from work by the doctor When my anxiety was extreme I went with my father down to the pier just to get out of house and I got out of the car to walk down the pier and I couldn't walk my body would not physically move it was the most horrible experience I have ever felt.

I have always been a nervous and self doubting person but i've never had anxiety or panic attacks.

So for past few years my anxiety has been under control which is brilliant but don't get me wrong it doesn't leave you if only it did it be amazing. I am still on the medication and doctor monitors it I don't even take it every single day like I used to , but we both still feel I need to have them. 

In around 2012 I think anyway when getting a regular eye test in specsavers they discovered I Have raised optic nerves behind my eyes so since this discovery I have regular monthly checks in hospital and get some extra tests done like my first ever ct scan and mri which are not pleasant i'm not going to say they are cos they're not. Especially if u anxious already and in confined space.

I also through this process was referred to neurology and I have intracranial hypertension which is pressure in the brain which causes me to have a lot of headaches and sometimes feel and even be sick woop woop happy days for me. 

Recently I seen this doctor again and I had explained I have been feeling much better where head pain and eyes have been concerned but all of a sudden Im right back there with the worse pain and I cant read or anything It just horrid and makes my anxiety go through the roof.

So for past 4 days I have been not very well at all and therefore not been online posting any reviews on products. 

I wanted to share this with anyone who does check out and read my blog and hopefully it will even help some people who also suffer with there own mental health issues. 

It is a very stigmatised topic and there is a lot of ignorance involved around mental health, people need to be aware that it can happen at anytime to anyone of us and most importantly just because you look ok doesn't mean you feel and are ok.

I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone out there or if it will be read but I wanted to put it out there and share with you all as I know we all have out struggles and issues.

hope you're all well 

much love julie xxx